Mary

Kneeling at the well, I dabbed both eyes that dripped wet with each heave.  My stomach ached from the constant waves of sickness that came over me.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Surely this would pass soon.  Was it apparent to everyone?  I felt the need to constantly watch over my shoulder in fear that someone would tell.  A simple word of mouth to the elders and my life would be over as I knew it.  

    I stood from my position and instinctively placed a hand on the tiny bump that swelled under my clothing.  My feet began to walk in the direction of home until suddenly stopping upon seeing him.  Worry flooded my mind as I pondered the thought of what he just witnessed. How could I let the man I love believe I betrayed him this way?  He didn’t have to speak a word.  I knew what lied behind those dark eyes of his.  

“You’re ill.”  His arms crossed tightly to his chest.  “Again.”

“Joseph…”  My eyes plead with his.

            “Have you any idea the danger you are putting yourself in?”  He reached for my hand and quickly led me to a desolate area.

             My tired limbs lagged behind him and soon crouched to the ground beneath me.  The rise and fall of my chest was deepening even as I sat.  It was true that I was more than just exhausted.  I couldn’t look at my betrothed in the eye for what I already knew he accepted as truth.  

“How could this have happened?”  Joseph’s shadow covered me as I looked up into his eyes.

            “I wish nothing more than to reveal the truth to you.”  

“Three months ago you left and now-” His eyes shifted to my stomach. “Now, you return to me in this way. What am I to think, Mary?”

“I have not done as you think, Joseph.”

His back was all I could see now. I tried to imagine his thoughts as he stood tall with both shoulders perfectly squared.  Time seemed to remain still. Only silence existed between us now.

“Why do you insult me so, Mary?” His head turned, revealing his profile. “I know I'm not the smartest man in the world. But I can see with my own eyes the changes you are going through.”

“Joseph-”

“Do you deny it, Mary?  Do you deny everything that is happening?” He faced me with arms open wide.

“I have never denied that I'm carrying a baby, Joseph.” I placed both hands on top of my belly.

He swallowed hard. “So you have…”

“I have been with no one, Joseph.”

            He placed a hand to his chest.  “It was supposed to be me, Mary!”.

             He tried to disguise the dampness now in his own eyes.  Normally I would try to comfort him but not today.  I could only sit and watch him break before me in anguish. His slumped form now sat still across from me.

            “Do you know why I fell in love with you?” His tears ceased leaving behind a weary expression.

           “I’ve watched the way you care for children that are not your own. You hold them when they cry. Lift them up when they fall. Tell them stories to make them laugh.”

           “Joseph, please let me-”

           “You have a mother's heart, Mary.”

           I wasn’t sure of the direction in which our conversation was heading.  How could I expect him to believe the impossible?  To believe that I was carrying the precious Savior that had been promised for generations?  I could hardly wrap my mind around what had happened.  Yet, God found favor with me.  Silently, I prayed for wisdom and that in some supernatural way the same would be revealed to the man I loved.  

           My head snapped up. “I need your full attention for what I am about to say.” After a long stare, Joseph nodded.

          “For reasons beyond my understanding, God has chosen me to carry out His most precious plan.”  Our eyes locked.  “It surpasses anything natural we've ever known or believed to be true.”  

           Joseph raised an eyebrow and remained silent.  My mind raced at what he would think once the truth was revealed. Would he receive or deny it? I finally mustered up the courage to say, “The Messiah is my son.”

His eyes looked up to the sky. For a moment I thought I saw a smile form upon his face. He was, however, smirking with sarcasm. “The anointed one who is to save us all?  You’re telling me you carry Him inside of you as we speak?”

“I know His name, Joseph.  It’s the sweetest name I’ve ever heard.” I looked down and brushed my belly.

Joseph's lips pursed.  “What a fabrication.”  He stood to his feet at once. “It’s not enough that you lie about betraying me but now you use God’s name to justify it!”

I closed my eyes in disappointment as the realization of my situation settled in.  I was alone.  Pregnant and alone in a world that would kill me without a second thought.  I had no one but the Lord himself to guide and protect us now.  The one man I desperately needed on this earth was walking away and my hands trembled in fear of what he was going to do with what he knew.

“Are you going to tell?” My eyes fell to the ground.

Joseph’s jaw clenched upon hearing my words.  A painful expression was written all over his face as if he began to imagine my fate if he were to do so.  His direction changed leading him to my side once more.  I waited for a response.  Anything that would give me some peace of mind.

“Mary, I-”  He reached for my hands. “I would never betray you...to anyone.”

The irony of his statement was overwhelming.  Though he believed I had turned my back on him he was promising to never hurt me the same way. There had to be a way to prove he was mistaken. My heart was his...only his.

Joseph stood and helped me do the same. He let out a long sigh at about the same time he dropped my hand. “Everything will be handled quietly.  No one will know anything.”

“Please, Joseph, you have to know-”

“Mary, there’s nothing else you need to say.”

I watched as his figure became smaller and smaller into the distance. Questions consumed me as I watched Joseph go. Why would God choose such a delicate time for me to carry out His plan?  

Days passed without a word from Joseph.  I scanned the crowds in hopes that he would come back to me with the realization that it was Truth I carried not lies.  One thing I knew was certain.  If God could send a heavenly messenger to me, He could do the same for Joseph.  Would He, though?

I paced the inside of my home, alone with my thoughts. I tried not to dwell on my ever growing belly and the repercussions it would hold.  The days seemed to be growing shorter and I knew it was only a matter of time until my own parents discovered what I kept hidden inside.

Closing my eyes from the world of uncertainty gave me hope.  It was then that my mind would envision my son and all fear would vanish. I found peace in knowing that I didn't need to have all the answers right now. God would guide us one step at a time.

My hunger and thirst were increasing by the day thankfully without sickness to follow.  I found myself waiting until crowds were scarce before traveling to the well for water. There was a need to protect my hidden treasure. Many would be quick to condemn if they even suspected something out of the ordinary. I reminded myself to be as natural and calm as possible, not wanting to give anyone a morsel to chew on.

My arms shook as I strained lifting the heaping bucket out of the well. A deep sigh escaped my lips. Had it always been this difficult? I sat abruptly. Never had a bucket of water seemed so...daunting to me before. The thought of carrying that thing home exhausted me even as I rested.

I quenched my thirst by sampling the cool water I just extracted and slowly stood. Taking a breath in, I reached for the handle. Suddenly, I felt something. A soft brush against my hand. My eyes widened in disbelief. Was it really him?

Joseph took the heavy bucket into his own hands and stood before me. His proud stance from the last time we spoke no longer remained. His shoulders hung slightly along with his head. When he finally looked into my eyes I could see how pale his complexion truly was. His red eyes swelled with tears. What was it exactly that brought him to me?

“Joseph?” I whispered.

He looked to be in complete shock. His mouth would begin to open yet no words would come. Something had happened. But what?

“Are you alright?” I carefully touched his arm.

He covered his eyes with his free hand and let out a cry. It was a sound of regret and yet a sound of relief all wrapped in one. My heart broke in that moment. I couldn't move or speak. I stood and waited, praying he would reveal more to me.

His swollen and dripping eyes met mine once more. There was so much that lied behind them now. This time I wasn't sure what.

He slowly opened his mouth and said in the softest whisper, “Jesus.”

My heart stopped. It had to have if only for a second. I had told no one His name. No one. My legs suddenly felt as if they were going to collapse. Joseph dropped the bucket of water and reached for my arms. For the first time he held me close to his chest. I could hear his sobbing breaths in my ear and soon I joined him. My God had answered my prayer and I could feel the weight of worry begin to melt away.

“Oh, Mary!” He continued to embrace me. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“You believe me?”

“God showed me everything, Mary.”

My mouth gaped open wide as he spoke this astounding story. Relief washed over me like rain. How blessed was I? To have experienced God not only once but now twice in such a short period of time. The reality of His presence overshadowing us had never been so tangible.

“Of course He chose you. Why would He choose any other?” Joseph’s hand caressed my cheek. His teeth peeked through a warm smile.

Humbled. I was completely and undeniably humbled at this event. I looked into the eyes of the man I loved and realized that there was more to this story.

“He's chosen you too.”

A puzzled look came across his face as our hands reached for each other. His brow scrunched in thought. After many seconds of silence, he nodded, with tears streaming down both cheeks. Our eyes joined now in hope for what was to come. Hope. And His name was Jesus.